He's gone...Gone far from me....

He refused to say ‘I love you’ for the first time last evening. I am broken. Completely. He went to his hometown for a short leave of 1 week. Met a girl whom his parents chose. He spoke to her and fell in love with her. And got engaged. Now he is back here.

“Jaan, why are you worried? I am just going for a week. Will be back soon na?”

“Jaan, I love you and nothing can change it. You know the truth then why are you worried?”

“Jaana, I love you forever.Will love you always.”

And so many other words that pulled myself towards him in everyway. I could never think of being dishonest to him even if I had to with the other man in my life. Now in a gap of 3 days of knowing that female he is in love with her. And thinks he will be cheating her if he meets me or calls me or even mails me. Main kya bolu? What and how should I explain what I am feeling?

I am finding it really hard to believe that he doesn’t even want to say that he loves me. I really don’t know how to express. I have gone extremes to make him happy and to make him feel that I have always been his Bebo and loves him just the way I loved him and probably a little more. Meeting him, calling him, kissing him, loving him, caring him, hugging him, mailing him everything as I used to do. Wont you call it sick about a female who is literally cheating her husband and not even feeling a bit guilty about it?

The fact is that I love him lot and I never wanted him to feel that I had changed. He is mine. He is a part of me. Who can think of cutting a part of one’s body separate? I could never and will never be able to cut him off from my life. I love with all my heart and soul. This blog itself is a proof of it and it was a promise that I will keep blogging as his Bebo who loves him madly. I am his Bebo. I am still his same Bebo.

A promise that we made each other before my marriage-That we will be there for eachother in all circumstances of life. He assured me that he cannot love any other person in his life apart from me. I thought the same and proved it right to him. Infact proving it right to him, though my love for him is not about proving. But I used to tell him that he being a person whom I know very thoroughly he would not be able to love me once there is another female in his life. I know him in and out. I know he is not as bad as I am. He is good at heart and not a person who knows how to cheat and be dishonest to people who love him. I knew he is going far from me. Very far from me.

As always an escapist-My Rehan-My love of life-Mera jaan-Mera jaanu-My everything. Always ran away from my tough questions. And now I don’t want to demand anything to him. I love him. I mean it with all my heart.