In middle of Nowhere

Once again I find myself standing in middle of nowhere. Not a new place to me. I have started loving the place-Nowhere. A place which gives me shelter and comfort when I feel lonely. When thoughts don’t turn up. When I am lost. When I cannot breathe. I love to be in middle of nowhere. Stuck with nothing. Not lone even though I find no one else there.

Turning into a full time pyscho, forget occassioanl violence or call it hysteria. A person who needs extreme care (occassionally depends on status of mind) to deal with. A person who may not mind hurting you with her nails, tear your shirt, pull your hair or even bite your neck.

I bang the keyboard. I cannot speak. I cannot cry in middle of Invoices and Planning file. I hit hard my palms on the table to say what I wish to say- “Yes! Bloody there is something wrong with me.Something bloody wrong with me.”

I feel lonely. Extremely lonely. Even when I expect to not to feel when I am in middle of Nowhere.