Love is forever...

I will always love him....Always....

Rehan's 'Sawaal'

Rehan's part.

Mere seene mein dharkte hue dil se poochu
yeh dharkan kiski hai?

Mere aankhoon mein base chehree ko deekho
yeh tasweer kiski hai?

Mere lawzoon mein chupi hue batoon ko samjho
yeh tareef kiski hai?

Mere hathoon ko chooti hue hawaa se poochu
yeh khushboo kiski hai?

Mere kanoon mein ghulti hue ehsaas ko samjhoo
yeh muskurahat kiski hai?

Mujhko dekho logoon our bataoo mujhko
yeh jaaaan kiski hai?

Dikhta to main kuch our hoon, pahchaano mujhko
yeh pehchaaan kiski hai?

Sawaaloon mein uljha hua diwaana hoon main....
Sawaaloon pe sawaal karta hua Rehan hoon main....

Once again-Absolutely myself.

Today again I wish to be all myself. My last post was not really meant to hurt someone very special to me. I wrote what I felt only from my viewpoint. It had hurt Rehan very badly not because of anything else but because I put him in the group of two people who were bad-never good to me. And I hope I don’t need to explain to my friends here that I didn’t mean to hurt him. I was only writing down my mind-my thoughts.

Basically, I was trying to point out three reason that helped me change my attitude towards life and which made me stronger. They two must be bad but Rehan can never be bad to me. I felt ditched. I might feel it again. I don’t see anything wrong. Be it Rehan’s fault or mine-our love did not succeed. I blame myself sometimes and blame Rehan sometimes. But whatever our love did not succeed into a bonding for life time.

For Rehan: “Honestly tell me. Don’t you feel ditched sometimes?”
That should answer all your questions and calm you.

He is happy that I am mentally much strong now and trying hard to be completely independent. He loves me lot and I love him too. I still want to tell him the same things that I told him over the phone.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. You are one of the few experiences that I had in life which helped me be strong and you should be proud of it. It’s not anyone else but your Bebo who has written that post. Feel the change in her. Read the strength in her through her words. Are you not happy?”

My friends on the blog have always supported me. They have only thought the way I thought because I have only explained to them my thoughts through my blog. It must be true that they are only analysing my part. But I am also sure when I write CERTAIN posts they all know it that it is one of the many outbursts of mine beacuse they also know how much I love Rehan and I cannot write something purposely to hurt him.

Don’t you know it?

Absolutely myself

I know how I have been in my life till date. I have always cared and loved people who showed love to me. Be their love true or not. I have listened to them made them happy and showered them with all my love and care. But ever after Rehan & Jeeju matter I have changed my outlook towards life entirely. I have started feeling ashamed of myself for not being a strong headed person with independent thoughts, adamant (to others) but to self being proud of having a strong sense of right and wrong. I realize I have been independent ever since I have started earning and doing my things myself financially. If not independent in any other sense but definitely in the way I think. I went wrong in some chapters of life where I blindly trusted and loved some people who did never deserve it though. But I had let them over rule me with help of my weakness. Be it my own Jeejaji or Rehan or even that bitch-Jaz (A used-to-be best friend of mine) all have taken advantage of my weak points. I cannot help but consider all three in one group for whatever reason I feel is right and no one dare to change my attitude please. I feel cheated in case one, ditched in the other and exploited in the third.

Jaz got her things done through me and did nothing in return except spreading rumors about me out jealously, I assume. What else could be the reason otherwise? It all happened in a row to me like a coincidence, with sufficient time gap. And so many other matters that I would like to deliberately ignore. I can find myself changing for good. It only means changing for my own good. Just want to selfish. Nothing on earth can dare to change my perspective because I am no more what I have been or what you have seen. I am me. I am what I always wished to be. An attitude like this does help a lot because I feel frozen even when I listen to words like:

“Tumne ek bar bhi call nahi kiya”

Frozen I feel because it doesn’t make any difference to me not even a slight change in my facial expression. That’s what I said I have changed myself-my outlook-my priorities-my weakness everything. I don’t cry anymore. That is something I am really happy about because I feel the satisfaction of being strong and not letting emotions dominate my body. My mind rules it now. Heart has no value and the thing is I never tried to peep into know what is happening in there.

I strongly feel that I should only do what my mind says ATLEAST from now on. And yes I don’t need anyone to bother about my well being because I know can very well take care of myself.

My best wishes to all who helped me be strong at the most crucial phase of my life and cement my perceptions to lead a better life ahead. Once again all the best!

Aapki marzi se to sara aalam hai..

Aapki marzi se to sara aalam hai..
Chand ka nikalna badal se,
Zulfoon ka urna aapke rukhsaar se,
Aise mein jo aapka deedaar ho, jeene ki tamanna phir ek baar ho.

Aapki marzi se to sara aalam hai..
Hawa ka chalna, barish ka hoona, phoola ka khilna.
Sara aalam baithe hai aapke intezaar mein,
Aise mein jo aapka dedaar ho, jeene ki tamanna phir ek baar ho.

Lines from a mail I got from Rehan

Dubai you look so sexy

I was tagged by Adarsh sometime back about the superstitions I believe in. I haven’t completed it till date. Now keep reading to know how lazy I have been for 2 days. Not my fault. The climate is so cold and beautiful here.

Last 2 days- Friday & Saturday:

Friday is weekday here in Dubai. Had an off as usual. Saturday was the 35th National Day of UAE and so I had another off. The best thing about the holiday was that it was raining heavily. I love rain. I love it so much. I didn’t do anything interesting apart from standing the balcony and enjoying the rain all myself. I stood there for so long that I don’t even remember. My feet & hands were frozen. Yeah! The tip of my nose was also cold. The roads were flooded. I could see people walking in the street with umbrella. I came know that it was not possible to even drive in Sharjah & Ajman. The roads flooded with rain water. Today, the weather is cold, the sky is clouded and dark but it’s not raining.

Guess one thing that I hate to do when it is raining and love to do the same when it is not. Listening to the radio. I just can’t tolerate when the RJs ask the callers about the weather. I feel like they were waiting for something like this to happen so they get a topic to talk about for weeks. Aaj subha it was not raining still that female on 106.2 hum fm was asking all kinda silly questions to a caller. ‘Do you like the rain?’ ‘Are you enjoying it?’ ‘Did you go out in the rain?’ ‘Did you get wet in the rain?’ and all other nonsense. I wonder if the RJ is reading my blog or not. Otherwise how can she speak NONSENSE and that too NONSTOP? Hmmm…I remember the caller asked for the song ‘Oh, Priya Priya’-an old no. Ok! I was not really listening to it but my colleague who was driving was the in–charge of the radio.

Adarsh, I need some more time to think of the superstitions mainly for the reason that I don’t believe in God. When I don’t believe in God you can’t expect me to believe in superstitions. Hain na? But there must be one or two which I really want to mention here on my blog. Lets see. Gimme some time, till then I will enjoy the romantic, wet & cold weather of Dubai-One of the best cities in the world. I'm lovin' it!