Absolutely myself

I know how I have been in my life till date. I have always cared and loved people who showed love to me. Be their love true or not. I have listened to them made them happy and showered them with all my love and care. But ever after Rehan & Jeeju matter I have changed my outlook towards life entirely. I have started feeling ashamed of myself for not being a strong headed person with independent thoughts, adamant (to others) but to self being proud of having a strong sense of right and wrong. I realize I have been independent ever since I have started earning and doing my things myself financially. If not independent in any other sense but definitely in the way I think. I went wrong in some chapters of life where I blindly trusted and loved some people who did never deserve it though. But I had let them over rule me with help of my weakness. Be it my own Jeejaji or Rehan or even that bitch-Jaz (A used-to-be best friend of mine) all have taken advantage of my weak points. I cannot help but consider all three in one group for whatever reason I feel is right and no one dare to change my attitude please. I feel cheated in case one, ditched in the other and exploited in the third.

Jaz got her things done through me and did nothing in return except spreading rumors about me out jealously, I assume. What else could be the reason otherwise? It all happened in a row to me like a coincidence, with sufficient time gap. And so many other matters that I would like to deliberately ignore. I can find myself changing for good. It only means changing for my own good. Just want to selfish. Nothing on earth can dare to change my perspective because I am no more what I have been or what you have seen. I am me. I am what I always wished to be. An attitude like this does help a lot because I feel frozen even when I listen to words like:

“Tumne ek bar bhi call nahi kiya”

Frozen I feel because it doesn’t make any difference to me not even a slight change in my facial expression. That’s what I said I have changed myself-my outlook-my priorities-my weakness everything. I don’t cry anymore. That is something I am really happy about because I feel the satisfaction of being strong and not letting emotions dominate my body. My mind rules it now. Heart has no value and the thing is I never tried to peep into know what is happening in there.

I strongly feel that I should only do what my mind says ATLEAST from now on. And yes I don’t need anyone to bother about my well being because I know can very well take care of myself.

My best wishes to all who helped me be strong at the most crucial phase of my life and cement my perceptions to lead a better life ahead. Once again all the best!