An Outburst

These are few moments of my life when I am sure that he doesn’t deserve my true love. He doesn’t deserve it. He is mine and only mine. Today and everyday nobody knows how much I regret never forcing him into any future complexities ignoring his priorities of life. I am fool or I have never loved anyone so much. Or maybe I should never have loved. I never had to be so sincere to him. Or maybe I should not have been so sincere to myself.

Men are cowards. They are hypocrites. No one dares to be different. No one dares to change the attitude of a silly 20 year old girl who is yet to meet the real world-the real MEN. What a simple thing on earth to do? Yet some one is not able to. Haha….The very thought makes me laugh.

I will write all what I want. I might or may never regret writing this. But I hate myself for giving my soul to someone. I should not have really cared so much for a person whom I knew I would never have in my lifetime. The worst of all is he never asked for anything. It was consciously give and give and give and till I feel empty. Just the way I am feeling now.

I CANNOT and will never try to reflect my thoughts in a mail to a close friend or in few tears to my love or in some touchy words to mom. No one deserves to know it or rather it might be a failure to attempt to explain the thoughts of a confused mind. All I CAN and will do is kill the thoughts with help of time or build it high to persistently remind myself of what I am and how I got to be in the life fate once and forever made me hate. Again, it is up to me what I decide out the two and no one is worth knowing my mind-my decisions. The pleasure of feeling lonely and keeping everything to yourself is a must-feel thing. I swear!