Lage Raho!

Me: “You know what he is coming to meet me after work.”

Rehan: “Why is he coming?”

Me: “What you mean?”

Rehan: “Nothing! My mind is not working. Nothing”

Me: “No! Tell me. What is it? Tell me what you are feeling”

Rehan: “I don’t want you to meet him. Jaana, told you na. I don’t know what I am talking. My mind is not working.”

Me: “Let me see what I can do.”

After that conversation with him, I had only one thought on mind- Somehow cancel the plan of meeting my would be. Poor he! Was busy all day and couldn’t call me even once. I totally understand how much pressure he has at work, I was fishing for a reason and found it.

Me: “The whole day you didn’t even call me once. See I will tell you one thing very clearly. I don’t like anyone treating me this way.”

My fiancé: “But dear you have to understand…I….”

Me: “You can’t just ignore me like that. I can’t keep calling you all the time when you have no time for me. I am going to my flat & I think we better not meet today.”

My fiancé: “Well, what can I say when you are making things complicated. Fine!”

A very selfish me. Can you see it there? How selfish I am? Somehow, I wanted to prove that I care a lot about my Rehan, his feelings even if it means going to any extent.

NEXT:

I call Rehan just to find that he is going out with his friends to watch a movie, that too for the second time-Lage Raho Munnabhai. They were two friends of his & two girls-one his friend’s girl friend and the other her friend.

If he drinks one extra glass of water he calls me up just to inform me that. A person like him did not tell me that he had met these girls even before last evening. Whatever, I had always loved him more when he used to give me daily reports without even asking for it. I am really thankful to his friends who are so very caring about him. They never leave him alone and always keep him busy in the evenings. These keep him free from my thoughts as well. But what I felt is what I want explain here in my blog. That’s the main purpose of blogging isn’t it? I am not blaming him but blaming myself for giving so much of importance to what I should not be. When I know it’s going to end soon, when I know I have to start considering my fiancé, when I know its meaningless to stop him from meeting me, I still behaved in a manner as if someone had forced things on me. I put myself in a situation where I couldn’t do anything but sit quiet & curse myself. I felt left out, lonely and above all a STUPID.

On one side my fiancé who was upset and didn’t want to talk to me. And on other side Rehan with whom I was not in a mood to talk with. All alone I sat on the kitchen floor till 12.30 midnight thinking of what I have been doing with myself. How stupid I act at times, mad & blind at times, silly at times, impractical at times and so on…all questioned & answered by me myself. Felt abandoned.

It’s high time now. I should learn to balance both the sides carefully. Come on Darsh! You knew it even before na?

My mind spoke: “Pehle tumne bayen liya tha aur ab dayen kyun ja rahi ho? Fool you are! You were going in the left direction and now why are you moving in right? Are you blind? You think you are Zooni? Wake up Bebo! Na ye Fanaa hai aur na yahan Rehan hai”

Tera dil main meri sanso ko panah mil jaye,
Tera ishq main meri jaan fanaa hojaye.....