Degree: MAL (Masters in Art of Living)

“ When a door closes in front of you there will always be another door opening, but we stand in front of the closed door weeping never to realize that the open door is waiting for you to explore the other side of life.”

This was what Jaz told me when I spoke to her before my engagement all in tears with a broken heart. Maybe she was right, I am still crying over the closed door and not even considering the new door waiting for me with lots of hopes, love, care & happiness. In past few days, (Note: It has been only a week since I am engaged) I had had a few arguments with my fiancé. I just wonder, what is wrong with him, or is it that there is something wrong with me? Today, I realized how eagerly he wanted to meet me, touch me, look into my eyes and tell me how much he has fallen in love with me ever since he started talking to me. I feel whatever I had thought about him was nothing but the fear I carried heart in heart which never let me think of anyone else in place of Rehan.

I can act, and not only act but also act very well. But don’t know for how long. To love a person, especially when you are arranged to love a person by your parents, you need to be very understanding and adjusting. I am just feeling guilty of what I am doing to the person who decided that I should be his ultimate love with whom he is going to live his entire life with. He is good, handsome, smart, earning well and sincere to me but he is not my Rehan. He is not my Rehan na?

When I mentioned ‘sincere to me’ I mean it to a depth I can’t explain because he didn’t think even for a fraction of second before confessing to me about an affair he had with a bar dancer of a hotel in Dubai. Before we got engaged, I had assured him that I am not concerned about his past and maybe that was the reason he confessed the matter to me with all trust in me that I would not react like mad to it. I appreciate it, and I still mean what I had told him. I don’t care about his past. But the question is will I be ever able to tell him that I have given my heart & soul to a person whom I love a lot and think is the right person I can ever get in this life?

How can I be so harsh on him? After all he is the one who is going to be with me all life. I should understand him as a wife (to be) and make sure he is happy with me, even if it means to act a little more and hide my real self.

“Bebo, are you seriously thinking of joining the Art of Living classes?”

“Why do ask?”

“Joining as a teacher or a student?”

That’s how my Rehan is.