Is prayer a solution?

I have finally decided to move on in life leaving certain unforgettable truths behind. Yes, it is unforgettable and still I want to move on. I have learned it the hard way no doubt. Nothing really seems to help me out- Music, friends, the love of my would-be, my job, chat messengers, mirror, books. Nothing at all. I am at peace the most when I am alone. Thinking of nothing and sometimes murmuring something what I don’t know in my privacy. Tough time you know. Real struggle to catch up with the practical life.

Don’t know how many in the world would have faced the exceptional dilemma that I am facing or should I mention it in past tense? Ok! The exceptional dilemma that I had faced. Wish I could take some real good advices from them. Before anything it’s just that I have made up my mind and decided not to look back. But I do. Most of the time I get a real stiff neck turning back to look at my past. Now, I didn’t mean that literally. But it hurts more than words can explain. More than what I can to the maximum on this very blog of mine.

What is that I am doing? Why is it that nobody is trying to understand me? Why is that more than the situations putting me far alone in a corner, I myself don’t wish anything less than remaining so? A hell lot of questions. Hell! Bloody Hell! Bloody whatever but I can’t bloody get out of this.

“Darsh, why don’t you pray. Its gives a lot of peace of mind.”

Bloody Hell again! I don’t pray if nobody knows that clean fact about me. I don’t pray but please don’t ask me why. A hindu by birth. An ardent devotee of Lord Kirshna I was. I still remember word by word all kirtan that I used recite to praise the most powerful god in Hinduism (as I believed) Lord Krishna. I was also spirituous enough to feel the telepathic presence of Sri Sathya Sai Baba ever since he played a mysterious dream game with me when I was young, say it about 13 years old.

I don’t pray anymore. What made me a rebel (according to my mother & sisters) is something what I myself can’t figure out in the past 1 and half long years. I still wonder why I lost faith in God. I remember I always carried a trace of Lord Krishna with me-A ring on which the figure of Lord Krishna was engraved. Where is that ring now? I don’t really know. In other words, these sort of advices doesn’t really work with me.

Out of hell, but not in heaven. That describes it all.

Shudha Sarang

Having a black bru coffee and listening to Anoushka Shankar. I have been doing only this for past few days. My mind doesn’t allow anything else. No friends, no calls, no chatting, no boss, nothing. I am really enjoying this loneliness.

Ram! Ram!

These days I am not really in a peaceful state of mind and I thought its better not to blog for the time being. Just to mention I had a bad start this morning. A hot argument with my sis and I was sure the day is going to be a bad one with a ruthless headache. Well, it turned out to be right but something really made me smile at every thought of an incident today.

When I am on my way to office, I have the habit of listening to songs on my Zen (very similar to an Ipod). I opened my handbag to find the cute colorful toothbrush of my nephew in there. To describe it has got a rubber handle, an attractive shape and the colors on it were orange, green, blue (on tip) & yellow. In the front there is a teddy bear and on the back of the handle there is a rabbit a teddy again, a sheep and a duck all imprinted on the same rubber handle. And know what it even had a fruity smell of the children toothpaste that my niece uses. It is cute just like him. By the way if you are wondering he is 1 year & 4 months and look at him he has already got a toothbrush to brush his teeth- the tiny ones which shines when he grins at sight of my mobile phone.

I did notice him walking around in the room like a ‘gunda’ for collecting ‘hafta’ while I dressed up for office. My handbag was open and he must have left it inside while greedily searching for my phone in it. He is really naughty and the only entertainment for me when I am back at home after work.


PS- You must have heard of Chotta Shakeel, Chotta Rajan, but never of my Chotta Ram.

Yeah! I am weird

It seems like people have started realizing that I am really weird. Cardomom has tagged me. By the way he himself is weird and one can just get that easily from his blog address-garam bheja fry. True that he somehow manages to fry my bheja whenever I make the mistake of reading his blog.

The 6 weirdest things about me are:


1. Nighttime Amnesia: I don’t remember anything that happens after I start dozing off at night. I sometimes talk on the phone, sometimes I wake up in between my nap but I never remember anything that happened the previous night. Most of the time the first thing I do in the morning when I wake up is to check the log of my mobile just to confirm if I had called him when I got up in between my sleep or not.

2. I swing my shoulders when I am shy. That’s a typical attribute of a seedi saadi Indian girl. Most of you must have seen that in hindi movies. Usually it’s like the heroine gives the hero a glass of water and steps back-looks down at her feet-holding her hands together and swinging the shoulders melodically left & right. Then, she looks up to the hero’s face-he gives her a romantic look-she blushes-runs to the kitchen. Oops did I imagine too much?

3. I tend to puke when I see someone puke. It’s weird especially when I have a niece & a nephew at home who puke every now & then for no other reason but because of the extra effort my mom & sister takes to feed rather force them with a yucky paste of boiled rice & vegetables/meat. I wonder who told them that kids will love this meal.

4. I shake my legs continuously when I am in sitting position. Be it when I am on my seat at office, when I am working on my pc, when I am eating at a restaurant, when watching movie at a theatre or anywhere else. The velocity of the movement is the highest when I am in tension specially if in an examination hall.

5. Breaking my knuckles. I have tried all 160 different methods to control it but still in vain. Including taking the sincere requests of Rehan & the awareness of its consequences in old age. Nothing really worked.

6. I don’t eat peanuts. I hate the smell of it even when someone crushes the roasted skin of it and eats the nut in front of me. I found it weird the most when my classmates (during school days) deliberately brought box of ‘snickers’ chocolates on their birthdays knowing that I won’t touch it. When we go for picnics they all have the roasted peanuts and toss it one by one into their big mouths just to tease me, I used to feel I am weird.


Done. I am a good girl now. Well, next I need to pass this tag to 6 weird people. That’s tough, because I am no Miss Blog World (2006). At the moment I can tag only 3 weird people:

1) The owner of a beautiful mind- Nayan
2) The person who is searching for serenity & insanity-Jasprit
3) The person who amuses himself-Shankha (A new person, about whom I would like to know more)

The rest 3 will be tagged when I find them in future.