My Corporate World!

Think Darsh! Think! There must be at least one small job that your boss has given you and you have not done it today. Think!

Nope! Nothing sweetie. There is nothing at all. You are just wasting the good time of your life, when you should be working hard to build your career.

Just another boring day at work. Doing nothing, lazing around, munching cheese balls and recollecting the movie I saw last night-Corporate.

Trust me guys this movie is amazing. I should say I haven’t seen such a good movie in the recent past. The credit goes completely to Madhur Bandarkar. I remember he was sitting in row no. 9 & me in row no. 10 for the IIFA Awards Show. I remember he looked at me twice (Or was he wondering why I was staring at him?). Well, it was natural that some one sitting and talking to the person on his left would unknowingly look at the girl sitting in the very next row behind him. Hehe…

Well, whatever the movie was awesome. I mean I have no words to explain. Bips looked very smart in those business suits. Kay Kay not to mention has always been a favorite of mine. I felt lost when he died in the movie; I mean just think of Nishi (Bips). Poor girl, she was one the top most executives of the Segal Group and she ends up counting the iron bars in the jail. Sad isn’t? Even I felt that. Cruel world, corporate world.

Madhur did the same to his fans in the movie ‘Page 3’. Without being a journalist or a business executive in real I could literally feel the difficulties & consequences of being sincere towards profession or certain individuals in corporate companies & in high-class societies, where human relations have no importance but just money & fame. Thanks to the unknown power which rules the sub conscious mind of the creatures on earth that I was never into these kind of societies where I may have to see my dad having a keep or mom getting drunk after the every late night parties.

If there is one only thing I didn’t like about movie ‘Corporate’ it is the narration, which was surprisingly worthless. Honestly, as a viewer I felt the narration stuff was avoidable through out the film. When Madhur could communicate so much in his previous movies through his extraordinary technique of direction why did he want someone to tell the viewers what’s going on in the movie. But never mind the movie is worth a second watch and I have already asked my lazy colleague who is still sleeping at his home to get me CD copy of the film.

My corporate world-A Bihari Boss & Bihari colleagues. Someone help me get in touch with Madhur Bandarkar? I have an exclusive script.

Hum hai iss pal yahan, jaane ho kal kahan...

“If we are meeting 98 days out of 100, why is it that we should take extra effort to meet on these two days? I just don’t understand.”

When I had evening classes at college, I used to meet him everyday. Even if it means to make me wait for 1½ hour, he somehow managed to come pick me to drop me at college and back home. Well, I have always appreciated that. But I was so madly in love that even though we used to meet all week-everyday, I still wanted to meet him on Fridays (holiday in UAE) when I had extra classes before my 2nd yr B.B.A exams in last June. Poor guy had only one day off from work & I would force him to come and meet me even on that day.

Honestly, I had no other intentions, but I always had a bad feeling in mind that things may end soon & there would come a day when I cant meet him even if I wish to. Just didn’t want to regret in life, that I didn’t take a chance or I missed a chance of meeting and spending some time with my-only my Rehan. He never behaved like me. Probably, it was the age factor that didn’t let him act crazy like me.

“Jaana, I wish I was a 21 or 22 year old guy, I would elope with you so that you will be mine forever.”

Last evening he wanted to meet me badly, but I felt that something was wrong somewhere. I didn’t let him come to pick me. I am just not regretting anything today because I am sure; I had never missed even a single opportunity to meet him in the past 1 year. Those lines (mentioned in the beginning) was some ruthless words that fell out of him, when I told him I wanted to meet him one Friday. It definitely did make me think that I should not be so desperate to meet him & should give him some space.

I am not trying to justify my part or blame him but it just happened that at the present situation I can’t meet him and things really have come to end the way I thought once it would be. Just rewinding my own calculations about life & future I had, in contrast he used to live only in present & never thought about future. I used to constantly tell him that we should think of future & he used to argue with me by saying that we should only think of present.

Current calculations = Able to talk to you on phone + can chat online + really happy about it + little scared + may have to give it up soon.

But never forget we live under the same sky.

Hum hain iss pal yahan, jaane ho kal kahan…
Hum miley na miley, hum rahey na rahey…
Rahegi sadaa yahan, pyar ki ye dastan…
Sunenge sadaa jise, yeh zameen asmaan...

Degree: MAL (Masters in Art of Living)

“ When a door closes in front of you there will always be another door opening, but we stand in front of the closed door weeping never to realize that the open door is waiting for you to explore the other side of life.”

This was what Jaz told me when I spoke to her before my engagement all in tears with a broken heart. Maybe she was right, I am still crying over the closed door and not even considering the new door waiting for me with lots of hopes, love, care & happiness. In past few days, (Note: It has been only a week since I am engaged) I had had a few arguments with my fiancé. I just wonder, what is wrong with him, or is it that there is something wrong with me? Today, I realized how eagerly he wanted to meet me, touch me, look into my eyes and tell me how much he has fallen in love with me ever since he started talking to me. I feel whatever I had thought about him was nothing but the fear I carried heart in heart which never let me think of anyone else in place of Rehan.

I can act, and not only act but also act very well. But don’t know for how long. To love a person, especially when you are arranged to love a person by your parents, you need to be very understanding and adjusting. I am just feeling guilty of what I am doing to the person who decided that I should be his ultimate love with whom he is going to live his entire life with. He is good, handsome, smart, earning well and sincere to me but he is not my Rehan. He is not my Rehan na?

When I mentioned ‘sincere to me’ I mean it to a depth I can’t explain because he didn’t think even for a fraction of second before confessing to me about an affair he had with a bar dancer of a hotel in Dubai. Before we got engaged, I had assured him that I am not concerned about his past and maybe that was the reason he confessed the matter to me with all trust in me that I would not react like mad to it. I appreciate it, and I still mean what I had told him. I don’t care about his past. But the question is will I be ever able to tell him that I have given my heart & soul to a person whom I love a lot and think is the right person I can ever get in this life?

How can I be so harsh on him? After all he is the one who is going to be with me all life. I should understand him as a wife (to be) and make sure he is happy with me, even if it means to act a little more and hide my real self.

“Bebo, are you seriously thinking of joining the Art of Living classes?”

“Why do ask?”

“Joining as a teacher or a student?”

That’s how my Rehan is.

Wake Up Bebo!

There are two folders named ‘Wake up Bebo!’- One in my mobile phone and the other in my mailbox. Well, the name itself must be giving you a clue about the content of the folder. Someone wants Bebo to wake up from a long, lazy sleep. A few important tasks which Rehan wanted me to do in life. No! No! Just a nick for him. We saw the movie ‘Fanaa’ together and whenever I am too much in love, I used to call him that name. Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes he is Krissh too.

There must hardly 4 recruitment agencies / multinational/ semi-government companies in the whole of Dubai where you won’t find my CV. The folders contain the details of the websites where I had applied for openings, mails, confirmations, job search advices etc. I was on a full swing to fulfill all what Rehan wanted me to do for leading a better & independent (most important) life. I was all set to join one of the best driving institutes of Dubai for my license. Apart from these two main things, I had lot more small ones on the list. These folders always reminded me his words “Bebo, how many times I have told you to start looking for a better job” “Sweeto, you are joining Belhasa Driving institute this Saturday. That is it.”

For the past 2 weeks I haven’t even touched the newspapers, forget about going through the situation vacant column. Neither am I updating my CV on the websites. Getting engaged is really a good feeling, but now it seems like an obstacle to me in fulfilling his (even my) wishes. I am very confused most of the time. Feel like I am in middle of nowhere. At the same time I feel that I am secure because there is someone new in life to take care of my needs. Indeed it was the only thought I had on mind when I agreed for the proposal.

Sometimes, I think entirely different about him, which was one other reason for taking a quick decision strongly considering 'say-no-to-heart' principle. I feel guilty to say but I do feel some kind of hatred ness towards him at times. Feel like cursing myself for falling in love with him. These made me think of the other side of life, to be little selfish about myself, my family’s status among other relatives. Thought that I should not worry about a person who is self-centered and wants his family to be happy even if it means making me cry for what I should not be. Again, these are only momentary thoughts. Eventually, only I can understand him and his love for me. And I know nothing can compensate love.

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO JOIN THE ‘Art of Living’ CLASSES! What do u say?

Bebo will never cry!

Before I start my nonsense, I would want you to go through this. Not for the complete of poem but the last line. Sunshine, that's beautiful.

“Smile Bebo! Say Eeeeee!”

That doesn’t make sense to a person struggling with two minds at the moment. I wont blame a single living creature on earth for this. I am the one responsible for all the turns I take in my life. Had to choose between right & left.

My heart said ‘take right you will never be sad in life’
My mind said ‘take left he will never be sad in life’

I took left and I will always be happy for I want him to be happy. Love is so selfish isn’t it? It just makes you so cold hearted that you wont mind being cruel to yourself even if it means keeping the one you love happy. There were occasions when we spoke about the difficulties we would face if we were not together in life. Hands on my heart, I could only see love for me in his eyes. He is helplessly tied up. Mother’s love is immeasurable. Isn’t it? If I cannot read his mind, then I never loved him. If I cannot understand his weakness I never loved him. If I cannot understand his mother’s love then I can never be a good mother. Frankly, I would never want to come between them, never would want to be a reason for a slight decrease in their love for each other.

I feel lost most of the time. I accept I can understand him more than anyone else, but do I understand myself? Am I realizing what I am doing to myself? Am I thinking of how I am going to face certain things in future? Honestly, I am not. I am not thinking of anything at the present situation. Good or bad I really don’t know.

I have always found people complimenting me for instance

“I need to learn from you” “You are really strong” “Very mature for your age” “I appreciate your analyzing ability”(one of the best I have got)

I felt good, but never believed their words. At this moment, I realize I am strong. But then why do I cry? Why does this strong Bebo cry? For the past few weeks, I have cried so much that now I am used to the headaches followed by it. After all he wanted me to take care of my eyes, which gets dry whenever I stress a lot looking at the pc screen. I make sure that it is moisturized ever 5 minutes.

I will cry once again, once again in his arms and maybe never again. I want to be a strong & independent lady who will never wait for others advice but will have people waiting for her advice. That’s his dream and probably my only hope left in life to move on. When I achieve this I will be his forever. As far as happiness, my smile, the extraordinary dimple on my right cheek that no one but only he has discovered is concerned, I regret but I cannot assure. I am not myself, if I am not your Bebo.

"In memory of the beautiful life you & I once shared."