Madam, go for a short cut!

My exams have started with the Marketing paper last day. It was good to see the guy sitting next to me looking into others answer sheets more than his own, and a weird smile that he passed whenever he saw me looking at him. I guessed what he was trying to communicate with that smile ‘You know madam, everything has a short cut in life.’

May be he felt I was a bright student, full of confidence or else how could someone enter the examination hall 1 and ½ hours late. The fact remains that the innocence in me didn’t really let me take a detail note of the time written on the exam time table stuck on the notice board which said the exam will start at 11.30 am IST.

Thanks to the invigilator who game me ½ an hour extra to complete the paper. When I busily scribbling down the effectiveness of advertising, I heard him talk to another teacher.

“The students are not at all serious about exams. They are just writing it for sake of writing it. And moreover the teachers correcting the papers always complain that the answer sheets are similar to each other.”

I am sure he must have thought nothing less about me than the guy who sat next to me.

Note: Blogging needs patience and peace of mind (especially at the place you chose to do this). I find it hard to do it in a teashop at Patna junction. If I don’t come up with new posts for a while, please try to understand. Apologies!

“Ek cutting, pani kum!”

Till date, I had this misconception about Bihari men that they just know how to mentally harass an innocent girl like me, to discuss & finally start arguing about politics of India, to talk about dirty jokes & laugh like hyenas, proudly talk about the number of cows in their house & plots of land they bought on their last visit to their ‘gaun’(village), gossip about Sania Mirza and Rakhi Sawant, but let me tell you they also watch Football.

Remember Tabu in the film Kalapani? There is a scene in which she learns the dialogue of Mohanlal & tries to repeat it. If I am right, it was “An Indian’s back is not a Futtboll.” Whatever the word was in real, footboard or football, she was happy about learning English. Should I say more?

Oh! You have to see the way they say ‘Goal! Goal!’ The excitement on their face easily matches to that of an illiterate Bihari father’s, when his 35-year-old Munnu or Tinku or maybe Rinku has passed his matriculation after his 7th attempt, and that too by secretly blackmailing the invigilators in the examination hall. The excitement says that his son can now take over his milk supply business in village which has been running for long and which he has acquired from his father & his father from his grandfather and so on. He thinks his son can do better business, as he is well educated now.

My imagination is over flowing I guess. How mean of me. Right?

I have to accept that these people are really educated & they all have got degrees/M.B.A s in their CVs. They have got good schools and colleges in Bihar now. I am sure they have the caliber to run any business properly even if it is selling cow dung cakes or managing a poultry farm.

“Hello! How are you?”

“I am fine. How about you?”

“I am ok. How is business?”

My mind speaks- “Are you nuts man? You’re a childhood friend of my boss and you acting as if he doesn’t discuss the business with you? And that too when you keep visiting him everyday to bug him with his work.”

“Well, business is going good.”

“Are you busy? Chatting huh?”

My mind says-“No! I am just typing-I am Mad-1000 times to submit it to the Dubai mental hospital as an application letter to register my name for the enrollment this year.”

“No! Not really!”

Did I tell you that my boss is out of country; he has gone to Australia for 25 days. From the time he has left, the office is similar to a tea stall that you can find in streets or remote villages of India. But since we are in Dubai, and we need to keep up the standard of this city, they have laptops here to watch futtboll matches & to listen to Johnny Lever Jokes on smashits.com or whatever nonsense.

“Hi! How are you?”

“Hi! I am fine”

“So, busy?”

My mind- “Bloody hell! Will you just stop asking me the same question whenever to walk-in to my office?”

“No, tell me.”

“Too much pressure huh?”

My mind- “Don’t you know my boss is not here? Can’t you see my colleagues listening to songs on respective computers? Now stop asking too many questions, I know you are here to gossip & watch the futtboll match.”

“You think so?” (Losing temper)

And now I don’t need to specifically ask you guess the native land of this guy who is trying to test my patience and will soon be rewarded for his hard work.

Phew!

Red Carpet-Row No:10, Seat No: 15

I went for the IIFA Awards last evening at the Airport Expo Dubai. My seat was exactly 10 rows behind the celebrities, and trust me I didn’t feel anything less than a celebrity.

The show was great no doubt. You must have already read the reviews in newspapers and I guess Star plus will soon telecast the show. I feel happy that I got to witness such a grand function and that too in the red carpet, to see almost all the stars of the Bollywood and a few from the south Indian film industry.

Though I was rolled up in a glittering 5 ½ meter lengthy cloth and there was a guy sitting on my left, I was very comfortable watching the stars perform just 15 steps away from me. Except for the lady sitting on my right staring at my hands/ fingers for whatever reason I couldn’t guess and the guilty feeling in mind for not having the camera with me, not even a pen and paper. Felt helpless. Just the way I felt when I met Aamir Khan last week. We spent the whole night talking to each other, walking together in an unknown place, and I woke up to realize that it was just a dream. Mere black & white sapno ko Rang De Aamir.

Towards the end of show, I felt so drowsy that even Hrithik, dancing on his latest Krishh songs, couldn’t stop my falling eyelids. Being seated very close to the stage, the high volume music and the light effects were too much for my beautiful eyes to get dry and head to ache. I slept off in the car while going back home.

Even naughty kids would look innocent while sleeping with their mouth open. Anyone would love to gently move their chin up to see the lips together.

“I wanted to look mature that’s why I chose this big round red bindiya with sari.”

“Bebo, you know what? You still look like a kid.”

IIFA or Ice Cream?

Guess what? Biharis want to go for IIFA awards happening here at Dubai. One of them was impatiently looking at the photos of IIFA given in the newspaper.
Bihari: “Dekhu tho zara kaun kaun aaya hai?

Me: “ Kya Bath hai Nehal Bhai? Aapka gaun se koyi aaya hai kya?”

Hyenas howl in chorus.

And he ended up looking at the last page where the names of sponsors are given. What’s next? The telephone rings at the S & R FZE (being one of the many sponsors). Unfortunately, he knows them and he is looking for a free ticket for the show.

“Bebo, IIFA dekhna hai?” Bebo smiles. She gets a smile back too.
“Tickets are 550 Dirhams” Bebo thinks. One Baskin Robbins ice cream=10 dirhams. 30 days a month=300 dirhams Only.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. What is so special about these actors? Anyways we have to watch them in movies right? No big deal”

IIFA cancelled. But did anyone talk about ice cream?

Rewinding 3 hours of day:

1-year-old nephew crawls over me as if he is struggling to cross the Indo-Pak border.
Mom is going to elder sis home for weekend.
Gives me the weirdest look I have seen on her face.

If ever the 5 seconds long stare lasted for 2 more seconds I would have been forced to get out of my bed and convince her “ No Mumma! I am not working with Bin Laden anymore. I am just helping Rehan for the Kashmir freedom.”

Perhaps she wanted to hint me that she is angry for informing her late about the party at college in the evening. We 1st years and 2nd years are giving a farewell party to the 3rd years. Few girls are planning sari for the evening and you know I strongly feel that for parties one should always go for Salwar khameez or anything of that type. It would be so difficult to move around with the 5 and ½ meter long cloth wrapped around you, and the uncomfortable feeling in mind whenever a guy comes and stands on you left side. I would certainly prefer something more comfortable.

“No Darsh! Don’t be jealous now. I know you badly wanted a sari for the party, which you couldn’t plan well and it turned out to be a flop”
“Come on Jaz! I am girl with all feelings like a girl.”

For all who are not aware, Jaz is my best friend and she understands how much I wanted a black chiffon sari with lots of beadwork and embroidery.

“Bebo, First Mix it well then Grind okay”

The first thing I thought of in the morning was whether it is Monday or Tuesday today. But to my surprise the calendar in my mobile phone said that it’s Wednesday. And I am still wondering how fast this week went by. My exams starting on 24th this month, and I still have to ask my friends if the financial accounting portion has been completed or not. What would Emraan Hashmi feel if he is asked to act in a movie that doesn’t have a smooching scene with the beautiful sexy heroines? Ok forget it. What would Mallika Sherawat feel if she has to do the role of Ma Sita for the Ramayan? Yes, this is exactly what I feel when I think of studying for my exams. I have become so lazy in life. My work and college has always encouraged me to be so. Thanks to them.

Hmmm., I talk about getting bored at my work and it would be complete silence around me for next 10 minutes. I can see the angry face of a person who cares a lot about me and wants me to do something better in life, staring at me with suffocation in his eyes, though wanting to shout at me for not listening to him, will control himself and say ‘ Bebo, please don’t test my level of patience. I have told u so many times to look for a good job. You have no future at your current job.’

Its not that I don’t want to take advices that are served hot and fresh right from the oven. Oops! Right from the heart I mean. I would like to confess something right here right now. I have lost my confidence. I feel I have become useless and can imagine myself to be my mom’s Moulinex mixer & grinder machine that could neither mix nor grind after few years of its membership in our family. I remember she later gave to the repair shop and never got it back. That happened when I was in 7th Std, I guess. I wonder if I can be repaired or not, but please make sure that you collect me back unlike my irresponsible mom.

I can hear him say ‘Bebo, I have extra confidence in you & I am sure you are capable of both mixing and grinding. Please don’t lose faith’

No-mind, No-business, How do they mind their business then?

I wonder what made him get that thing for me. Well if your wondering what that ‘thing’ is let me tell you, it’s speaker set for my computer at office. I am working here for 1 year and 9 months, and have been listening to songs ever since I joined. I have a LCD monitor with a built in speaker, and I am still wondering what made him buy it, that too for my pc at office? Something weird isn’t it?

I appreciate his idea of getting me this thing (hope you got it this time). But I can’t accept it for the fact that I have very interesting characters around me in my office, always sticking their nose into my affairs. Bihari babus, illiterate fools, self-centered idiots, and what not. I wonder if they really know anything other than politics and cheap non-veg jokes that they keep sharing forgetting their own self and laughing like anything that reminds me nothing less than that of the hyenas (for the dictionary meaning they are a wolf like animal with a howl that sounds like laughter) of the cartoon which is still one of my favorites ‘The lion King’.

I wont say all Biharis would be like this, but the ones I have here are like that. They have good things too in them like any stupids, but at this moment I cant really mention that. I want to abuse them, yes literally abuse them for the sarcastic comments they pass every time I talk on my mobile phone. But I would rather thank them for their humble suggestion that I join a music company and I would work better there (at least they agree that I can work) than at this stupid place where it is difficult to figure out if the guy sitting upstairs in the third cabin from the left side, is looking for his nut or maybe bolt that has fallen accidentally from his head while trying to fix the headset that he primarily uses for his yahoo messenger and rest of the time for listening to those bihari type of ‘Kajra re kajra re’, under his table or is he sleeping behind the monitor. Do you think I should dare to fix a speaker here? So, now I want you make a simple guess about this particular person who thought of a good but not clever gift for me, would certainly be from which northern part of India?